she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
