You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
