Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Little spoons don't ask big questions
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
