Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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