He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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