Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
