I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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