Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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