his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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