Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
