Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
that is very illegal...i love you.
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