I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
