I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
