remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
