Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
