don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
