I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
