what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
