I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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