Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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