there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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