She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
