He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
