is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
