My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Girls should come with a carfax report
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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