I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
