I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
