fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
