....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
