She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drake has all the answers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
