Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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