Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
