So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like death gave me a hand job
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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