Screwed.edu
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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