my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
