I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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