Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
