why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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