I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
