Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
