You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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