Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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