Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
