Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
