aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
