I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
