I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
