Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
