The maid of honor just puked.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
