worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
