Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
