On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
