I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
