You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
