the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
