My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
