she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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