i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
