You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
