Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
