I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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