I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
