Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
