Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
