All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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