The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
