I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize