If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
