What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
