I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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